Healing and Clarity

No Time to Say Goodbye. While I have not had much free time lately, I did manage to sneak in some extra reading the other day that has been really helpful, has given me some clarity. I was looking for a new vegan cookbook in Barnes & Noble when I stumbled upon this book. It is No Time to Say Goodbye, Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One. It was written by Carla Fine, whose husband suffered from depression and lost his battle after 21 years of marriage and so many hard times. Carla gives an unfiltered look into a grieving widow who doesn't know how to feel from one minute to the next. While reading this book I have realized a few things. Suicide is one of those subjects people don't want to talk about; they don't want to think about it. So when a person loses someone near to them to suicide, the survivor is often ostracized and not allowed to grieve in the standard fashion. Another thing that really spoke to me was the level of depression that the people suffered from prior to taking their own lives. Most of the stories included statements like "We knew he was depressed, we just never thought it would go this far." Confused mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends, children, relatives... the list of stories within this book goes on and on. And throughout it all, the people all felt so alone after the death of their loved one... as if they couldn't talk about the person to others... that the person they lost is all of a sudden being judged for that one final act instead of their life as a whole. It made me so sad to read the stories... one story after another of heartache, sorrow and confusion. But it also brought me a lot of closure, which is what I was looking for in this book. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever lost a loved one to suicide. It is very healing, to know that your feelings are normal and justified. I have decided to stop being pissed off at that person we lost to suicide and just let him rest in peace. No one can stop this awful act and no one can ever fully understand it... so that's that.

Oh, and on another note, I think that the lack of respect flows over to people who are depressed and willing to do something about it. If someone knows they need it and seek medical help, they should be praised for taking initiative rather than judged for needing a little help. It drives me crazy to hear people sitting around judging others when they have never walked a mile in their shoes. Until you have hit rock bottom and made it from the hardest times in your life and over that hump, you can't begin to understand how hard a single day can be. When you wake up and wonder if you want to even get out of bed. Those feelings are real and they are heart-wrenching and cannot be ignored. So if someone you love is suffering from depression, lend a helping hand instead of a judgmental stare or a whisper to someone else behind their back. It's time we all hold each other up. One day you will need someone to reach out a hand when you don't know if you can climb up out of the miry pit on your own. Grace... we can all pass it on to one another.