twitter

I am a tweeter now. It has given me such a powerful and happy outlet to find a vegan community who shares the same goals, passion and happiness I do in my vegan lifestyle. I am also almost finished reading Vegan, The New Ethics of Eating by Erik Marcus. I would highly recommend this book to anyone looking to live consciously and compassionately.

This is the month for me that I always feel a little sad. I believe in the human spirit and that it can endure death. The spirit I speak of is that of my father in law. He was the most eccentric person I have ever met... the most unique person I will probably ever have the privilege of having a relationship with. He was so full of energy and life and never had regrets. Of course he was not perfect, no one is. However, I miss our chats over red wine and his unannounced visits to our house where he made himself perfectly at home. He was so damn weird and funny and annoying. And I sure loved that guy. We miss him tremendously in our home. He left us on April 23, 2005. I was barely pregnant with our son at the time and my heart breaks knowing that my little lovebug will never meet Steve face to face. However, his spirit and memory will live on within us. His death prompted my passion to live consciously and in every moment. I cannot let a single breath pass me by without the knowledge that I make a choice for every single minute I am here. How will I live my life? Who can I inspire today? How can I do better, be better. Veganism is a natural extension of this passion. Parenting, loving, my friendships, my boundaries, are also a part of that. Sometimes I feel frustrated but, like I tweeted today, I will not be defeated. My life is my own. And I choose how I live in this moment.

Cheers to my father in law and the loves of my life... my family and friends. Without all of you, I could not be my true self. And for that I am truly grateful.

PS - if you want to follow me on twitter I am at www.twitter.com/karaokevegan

College Dropout?

Today is my first official day of class for Spring '09 quarter. Where do we sit one year later? This time last year I was so excited to start my new venture of pursuing my degree. Now, a year and a full time job later... I am frankly so tired of it I could puke. Literally puke on your shoe if you were standing next to me. It's the truth. I am, once again, at a cross-roads. I miss my son, my happy life. Each break between quarters is just enough to give me motivation to push through another 11 weeks of hectic school, work and mommy-life. I don't know what to do. This quarter I am doing my internship, so that is realistic. These night classes are killing me though. I want to have time in my life to have a glass of wine with my husband, race cars and play tag for hours with my son, to see friends... to make it to Yoga a few times a week. With one more thing added to my plate, its that much less possible. So I will probably drop my night class and work one class at a time until I graduate. And its only a two year degree! How do people do it... get their masters while working full time and supporting a family life? I have no clue.

So what else is going on with me? Hmm... I have been scouring the internet and cookbooks for a good gluten-free, vegan bread recipe without luck. I also have found out that I am sensitive to yeast which means it must also be a yeast-free bread recipe. Good luck with that one Abigail. I saw Tom Malterre, a Nutritionist. He is awesome and inspiring and has a lot of the same food sensitivities that I have. So I feel like I can make it work. Its better for me to feel better and maybe feel a little deprived once in a while rather than being bloated, fat and miserable. I also have realized that in my quest to prove everyone wrong, I have been getting WAY too much protein for my petite frame. So I am backing off the protein wagon once again and feeding myself whole foods - loads of fruits, vegetables, legumes, grains... and not worrying about the issues that everyone seems to think will happen to me due to my veganism. In reality, most Americans get WAY too much protein. The average daily recommended amounts are equivalent to 2 or 3 times more protein than the average "healthy" American needs. One last little snippet of information - did you know that statistically speaking, one in every two Americans will die of heart disease? This is just considered the norm... people actually expect to die of heart disease. This when a Vegan diet is scientifically proven to REVERSE heart disease. That's right - REVERSE it! Ahh... I will get off my info-craze now so you might consider continuing to read this.

I am reading a new book that is also very inspiring... and loaded full of great information - Vegan: The New Ethics of Eating. Its books like these that remind me just why I am vegan... that re-inspire me. I am vegan out of a decision to live each moment consciously. There is not a single animal that must die for my well-being. And I also am scientifically proven to be less susceptible to diseases including heart disease, cancer, diabetes, hyper-tension, gout, obesity, auto-immune diseases and more. With so much information (see, there it is again - I guess I am not off my info-craze) available it still amazes me that so many people think I will end up with rickets or malnourished from a choice to not eat animal products.

And here is one more random question... why are people so unwilling to work on their relationships anymore? I see marriages, friendships failing all around me. Is it that I am getting to that age where this stuff starts to happen to me and my friends or is THIS becoming an epidemic as well? I have grown very wary of watching people give up just because it will take too much work... they just stop trying. Any relationship takes work - whether its with a spouse, it might be having a loving relationship with a child, a friend... or having a working relationship with a co-worker. I am just so tired of all the drama... I can hear my karaoke self singing it now "No more drama... no, no more drama!" (shaking my "no more drama" finger at the crowd) . Ick. Seriously... no more drama! Please! Let's all sit in a circle, hold hands and sing some sappy hippie song about love and peace...

Anyway, I am feeling renewed and confused, all at once. At least I know that I can continue to live each moment of each day and do what I can do to be happy and healthy. If I can be in the moment for the majority of my life, what more can I ask for? So many people allow life to pass them by... just "wasting time" on meaningless junk. I am so happy to be fully living, aware of what's going on inside of me and around me. I could go on and on but, for now, I will stop.

Love and Green Smoothie Cheers,
Abigail

Discernment

I am going through a stage of personal growth and learning. It has been a very interesting battle within myself for the past few months. Most days I don't know if I should cry or shout for joy. God is good and His blessings are new everyday. I know this to be true. However, in that truth is the fact that I must be discerning in my own life. I have to only allow those into my life who respect me and themselves. I literally do not have the space inside to allow people to rob me of anything... my time, my happiness, my strength. I have compassion and can easily fall into the trap of wanting to rescue others. To learn how to set and keep those boundaries has been quite the task for me. I have a very broken relationship in my life right now and I wonder if it will ever come back. I know and have learned that with healthy and loving boundaries, and within a healthy and loving relationship... my "no" should help the love and mutual respect to grow. But that has not been the case in one relationship in my life. I am broken-hearted and sad. Another thing I have learned, though, is I am allowed to be sad. However, to get mad at someone who is not healthy is not healthy for me. So I have to keep moving and keep working on being my best self (at the risk of sounding like Dr Phil...). So on this day, I will keep moving and decide that I won't let this tear me apart in this moment.

As of yesterday my dear Grandfather has been gone for 3 years. I am currently walking into a season of sorrow. I don't let the past hold a grip on my life but every March-April is difficult for me. One year maybe it won't be but as of today, the heartache of my current situation as well as the overwhelming fact that it has been almost 4 years since I last hugged my father-in-law, 3 years since I last kissed my Grandpa on the forehead... its a difficult reality. So with that, I will leave on one final thought... I am my own responsibility. And for today I choose happiness, joy and an outlook of discerning love.