Discernment

I am going through a stage of personal growth and learning. It has been a very interesting battle within myself for the past few months. Most days I don't know if I should cry or shout for joy. God is good and His blessings are new everyday. I know this to be true. However, in that truth is the fact that I must be discerning in my own life. I have to only allow those into my life who respect me and themselves. I literally do not have the space inside to allow people to rob me of anything... my time, my happiness, my strength. I have compassion and can easily fall into the trap of wanting to rescue others. To learn how to set and keep those boundaries has been quite the task for me. I have a very broken relationship in my life right now and I wonder if it will ever come back. I know and have learned that with healthy and loving boundaries, and within a healthy and loving relationship... my "no" should help the love and mutual respect to grow. But that has not been the case in one relationship in my life. I am broken-hearted and sad. Another thing I have learned, though, is I am allowed to be sad. However, to get mad at someone who is not healthy is not healthy for me. So I have to keep moving and keep working on being my best self (at the risk of sounding like Dr Phil...). So on this day, I will keep moving and decide that I won't let this tear me apart in this moment.

As of yesterday my dear Grandfather has been gone for 3 years. I am currently walking into a season of sorrow. I don't let the past hold a grip on my life but every March-April is difficult for me. One year maybe it won't be but as of today, the heartache of my current situation as well as the overwhelming fact that it has been almost 4 years since I last hugged my father-in-law, 3 years since I last kissed my Grandpa on the forehead... its a difficult reality. So with that, I will leave on one final thought... I am my own responsibility. And for today I choose happiness, joy and an outlook of discerning love.